I started to panic ……
The hoped for, the pursued, the desired, the fantasized, the unknown, and those things that simply do not exist, I do not care, pass away – just as the cigarette in my hand is burning!
Everything that was once examined, such as expectations, studies, love, future, and everything that has not yet been taken into account, began to slowly melt away ……
Low, has become the main theme, in the abandonment, choice can not tell the southeast and northwest! Missed a lot, also met a lot, looking back to summarize, but no clue, just feel that is very far away before, is so barren and bleak!
What am I looking for? I asked myself countless times during countless nights, but I couldn’t find the answer! Calm study, peaceful sleep, warm relief, and those long-accustomed reproaches – is it moving? Is it joy? Or something else?
I have seen a ray of sunshine, shining above my head! I know that there should have been warmth with me!
When I opened my diary, I realized that I was once so childish, ridiculous and incomprehensible, and yet, I found that I was once so “naive”! Smiles have changed, thoughts have changed, too much has changed ……
The uncertainty and worries began to haunt, destined to get rid of. Stubbornness and bigotry are no longer pejorative in my eyes, because they already belong to my patent, indulgence and prodigality …… have no perfect smile, there is always a deliberate cover-up and helplessness, but still bent on the same pretend gentlemanly deceive our kind eyes, no remorse.
Once in a while, I watch a TV show and remember a line, “Don’t give up, don’t give up”. There is not much feeling, just think it should have been I should say a word, but dare not say words!
Perhaps the relatives around, online friends, and even myself, do not know my heart, no one is willing to unveil my happy flat or sad, read the accumulation of my heart – although only the panic of the world of man after adolescence, but for a boy, this has been the world’s greatest pain, bigger than the sky and earth, bigger than the sea and rocks!
Faced with the silence of others on the crush, when I ridiculed and sarcastic others, but I have a sour feeling in my heart, I can not say why, this is!
A high school classmate asked me in QQ, “What is like?” I was stumped and couldn’t answer… Maybe I’ll try to like someone!
From then on –
No longer focus on the inner meaning of beauty. Sitting in the back of the class, three or five groups of Kantian Kandi, appreciate the beauty of the moment of a smile back, think that is the real beauty!
As if I played the role in WOW – left hand light, right hand darkness!